Scanning the state of the news media, we’ve determined that the world needs a reliable place to get the stretchiest, helpful and feel-good news. This is our first edition of news roundups, important things you might have missed, things you have to read between the lines, and probably some actual facts.
Trump’s Presidential Alert System Gives Him Access To All Americans With Cell Phone
On Wednesday, October 3, the entire US received a blaring text. Quite similar to an Amber Alert or Weather Emergency warning. The amazing feat of gaining an entire nation as a social following— that can’t be unfollowed or blocked— is simply incredible. Add that to the list of exclusive things this POTUS has done.
His next country to achieve a following will be Russia. ⚠️Президентский сигнал🇷🇺
Trump Claim To World Leaders Met With Laughter
On September 25th, the POTUS spoke boastfully of his successes at the United Nations General Assembly. News reports flashed headlines of the UN’s reactions to some of the things said:
“In less than two years, my administration has accomplished more than almost any administration in the history of our country.
America’s — so true. (Laughter.) Didn’t expect that reaction, but that’s okay. (Laughter and applause.)
America’s economy is booming like never before. Since my election, we’ve added $10 trillion in wealth. The stock market is at an all-time high in history, and jobless claims are at a 50-year low.” – President Donald Trump via Vox
Why the laughter? A true expression of relief that everything is going so well in America and they have nothing to worry about. We knew Stretch The Truth Trump invokes laughter and this event only confirmed and solidified that fact.
Kavanaugh Creates the Ideal Distractions For Divisiveness
We’re not going to get into details of this situation but the executive summary of the FBI investigation was released October 5th. They are doing a great job at blaming the Democratic, calling them the ‘party of crime’, for slandering Kavanaugh’s name, taking the responsibility off the judge himself— classic. Does this mean this case has turned into a “he said, she said, Dems said?”
The real news here is: Republicans want everyone to forget that they do low ball things like this, too.
Perhaps it’s time to put someone like Stretch The Truth Trump in the judgment seat and get back to making America even greater, again.
Record Made for Number Of Totally False or Partially Untrue Things Said as President
On September 13th, on his 601st day in office, President Trump said his 5,000th stretch of the truth. CNN reports his fact-distorting abilities are actually picking up steam. At the beginning of his term, he averaged 4.2 falshoods a day. In the first two years, it moved up to an average 8 falsehoods a day.
Yet, in a weeks period of early September, he upped his misleading claims to 32 a day!
These numbers are spectacular. We can only hope to see those numbers grow as we approach the midterm elections. He’ll have to pay more attention to what he is saying because he’s been caught telling truth’s as well.
Stretch The Truth Trump Caught Partying— Assures His Drink Was Non-Alcoholic
Stretch Trump threw a party for Jimmy Fallon’s birthday with some of his friends. Rumors quickly spread that his abstinence claims were made up. He said these rumors are completely untrue.
He assures his abstinence and ability to throw the best party Jimmy Fallon has ever been thrown, as a couple of his best qualities.
A Tweet from Elon Musk Cost Him $20M and His CEO Title at Tesla
Oh Elon. He forgets that only the best of the best can tweet whatever they want and not get fined and forced to resign from their position. Sometimes passive aggressive journal entries via Twitter are just not worth it.
We’d recommend using a Stretch The Truth Trump the next time you get the urge to journal on your public, social profiles.
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